Welcome to The Attic, don’t make a sound!

*MAJOR PLOT SPOILERS BELOW*

Well kids, I have recently seen Don’t Breathe, and I’d like to review that for you kind people in this hybrid sort of article. But before I get into that, I’d like you all to sit back and picture this scene for a minute: It’s Fall, a crisp October evening in the middle of farmland. It’s not far from where you live, and yet it feels like you must have driven for days to escape the hustle and bustle of the city. Red barns, quaint farmhouses, and silos dot the distance, only blocked from view when a truck flies by on the highway. You sit in a car, huddled up in your sweater, eating greasy chili cheese fries and candy, while watching two new releases at a drive-in theater. Would you believe this is 2016 or would you think you had gone back in time? Believe it or not, this was where I found myself a couple of weeks ago. I do so love where I live. The city is a decent size, about 300,000 people, and yet you drive for 20 minutes in the right direction and you’re out in the country where time slows down. I don’t think I have ever really gotten into this in The Attic before, but I am an old soul. I love old tin signs for Coca Cola and Pepsi. I love antiques that tell a story without saying a word. I love Cadillacs from the 1950s, and retro diners where you can get burgers and shakes while listening to Elvis Presley. I Love Lucy.

As a child in Los Angeles, I remember going to a drive-in a couple of times, but once it closed down, that old fashioned idea seemed to fade away for good. Jesus, this makes me sound old. I’m not over 30, I swear. But sadly, not enough people hold onto classic icons like that, and they give way to strip malls or Walmarts. When I moved here about a year ago, I was in shock to learn that one was still operating not far out of town. My fiance and I decided to head there before it closed for the season, and we ended up seeing Magnificent Seven, and then Don’t Breathe. This is the one I was there for. I love a western as much as the next girl (cowboys… *wink*) but I’m a horror nerd and we all know it. So once the second feature started I leaned forward in my seat like a little kid. And then the movie started.

Don’t Breathe was pretty good. It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t amazing. I got into it, and yelled at the screen when the main characters made dumb decisions. This happened a lot. You see, the story is centered around criminals. Yes, one of the three protagonists, a girl named Rocky, has a “good reason” for becoming a robber. She’s had a horrible past, and is stuck living with her deplorable mother. She wants to escape, run away and move to California with her younger sister to help free her from this awful situation they’re in. But the other two characters with her don’t manage to garner any sympathy. They don’t have reasons that could justify you caring about them. To me, they were young punks that rob innocent people. I cared about Rocky, and I was rooting for her, but the others I couldn’t care less about. I understand that they wanted to focus on the one that was going to survive, and all horror movies have disposable characters, but to only really care about one of them was a bit disappointing.

Because these three main characters are so flawed and almost unlikeable, the antagonist (a blind man they decide to burglarize) of course turns out to be a horrific psychopath to counteract this. It becomes a test of “who deserves to die more?” In the beginning I felt awful that they were planning to rob a blind vet, but after learning how twisted he is, I wanted him to die immediately. I appreciated that he was almost superhuman, as a lot of classic horror movies make the villain seem untouchable. But because he was so strong, and relied on his other senses so much, it came off less Michael Myers and more Daredevil. But yikes, he was a basket case. Once he realizes that these kids have broken into his home, he boards off every escape route. He doesn’t plan on letting them get out alive. In fact, he has other plans for someone else in the house (I’ll keep some things from being spoiled) and when that plan gets ruined, he gets pissed. What he almost does to Rocky made me feel really sick. I’m not talking bloody ‘Saw’ levels of sick. I wish I was. I’m talking more like ‘I need to take a shower because I’m watching this’ levels of sick. He’s a sick bastard and even the Dark Princess has limits on what she can enjoy watching.

Early on in Don’t Breathe, I kind of wanted the kids to die, I disliked them that much. Then I wanted everyone to die because I was watching this movie which was equally stressing me out, and making me feel sick. But one thing I really liked about this movie was that it didn’t rely on the heavy use of blood that many horror movies these days do. Don’t Breathe was directed by Fede Alvarez, who also helmed the Evil Dead remake, so it’s nice to see that he has variety and doesn’t just lean on blood and gore all the time. The ending of the movie was mostly satisfying, and overall the movie was pretty good. I had a great time at the drive-in, and that added to the fun of my horror movie night.

I am hoping that next year, once it opens up for the season again, I can make this a sort of series. As I said, I love going to Drive-Ins, and watching a horror movie at one is something really special. If you have one near you, I highly recommend you support it!

Stay scared,
Dark Princess