Welcome to another edition of Enthusiask.  I’m your handy advice column sanitizer, Oliver Fiasco.  No need for soap and water, just rub in and let dry.  Active ingredient: ethanol.

You know, earlier this week as I was putting the finishing touches on a fine specimen of a Northern-crested caracara, it occurred to me that what I do here is a lot like taxidermy.  I travel along the road of life, spotting carcasses (readers), struck down and listless (needy), deal gingerly with all the offal and viscera (problems and whining) and then expertly stuff them with wire and cotton packing (truth and wisdom), thereby giving them a semblance of a life-like existence once more.

This advice column game is not for the faint of heart.  When traditional medicine, psychology and trepanation fail, people turn to the advice columnist: the last line of defence for the self-absorbed. You want me on this wall, you need me on this wall.

But I digress.

Anyway, it is time to break into the snail mail.  And by that, I don’t mean terrestrial mail.  It’s just that snails are basically slugs who carry around a lot of baggage with them and that more or less describes the majority of people who write me each week.

Onward!

 Oliver Fiasco Strikes Again!

I’m going to be a guest at a sci-fi themed costume party.  I want to attend as a Betazoid but short of actually dressing as Counselor Troi I don’t know to pull off the look – any suggestions?  -LadyHawkr

I’m showing my age again here but I can assure you that videocassettes were not science-fiction.  Before your fancy CDs and DVDs came along they were quite real!  That said, the Betazoid format never really caught on, so if you want people to get the reference it might be easier to just go as a VHS.  Maybe find yourself an old refrigerator box, paint it all black and stick a pair of hub-caps on the front?  Not the most flattering outfit for a young lady, but to each their own.

By the way, I had a Counselor Troy back in high-school and he said I’d never amount to anything – and just look at me now!  I’ve got my own column on a quasi-popular website.  Shoot for the moon, kids!

Recently I built my first gaming PC but I’m having a lot of over-heating issues and I’m not sure what the best option is.  Supplementary case-fans?  Water cooling?  Better heat-sinks?  What would you recommend?  –Miner49er

I can offer one unusual tip by way of my space-cadet nephew Foster.  I once found a half-empty bottle of KY Jelly on his computer desk and he explained that it was for a liquid cooling system installed in his tower case.  Apparently, it needs a top-up now and then and that’s why he always has a spare container nearby.  Can’t say I’ve ever heard of that particular set-up before but he seemed quite adamant about it.

Personally, I just have a wallet-sized photo of my ex-wife mounted on my CPU and that really does the trick.  The former Mrs. Fiasco has all the warmth of a polar vortex.

I’m trying to introduce my girlfriend to anime and I’m not sure which movie to start with?  –GoKaiser1998

Anime…is that the one where the red-haired orphan girl finds a rich daddy?  Do I seem like someone who would know anything about musicals?  Do I strike you as the song and dance type?  Just cut to the chase and watch The Deer Hunter together.  If she can’t appreciate that, she isn’t worth the bother.  Of course, if she likes it a bit too much that could be a red-flag as well… (For the sake of the readers, I’ve included a link to a definition. Google is your friend -Editor)

In a few weeks I’ll have my full driver’s license and I’m going to be looking for a used car in the meantime.  This will be my first ride and I want it to say something about me – is there a car that has the most “geek” or “nerd” credibility? – RohanWookie

Well, your alias already seems to say a lot about you (probably that you commit crimes against fan-fiction), but I have to say you’re expecting rather a lot of your first car.  My first car was a traffic-cone orange coloured Chevy Nova with an engine that sounded like rocket-powered cement mixer.  It had a suspension like a pogo-stick and handled with the same precision.  Finally getting a car is about freedom and independence, not bold statements.  Just count yourself lucky you don’t need to take the bus anymore and don’t worry about appearances.  To the limited extent that I know you, I doubt anyone has any trouble interpreting that you’re a geek.  Message received, loud and clear!

I have a good female friend who has become a Wiccan who takes offense to the fact that I participate in LARPing.  She feels that fantasy themed role-playing is just another venue where people’s perceptions of Neo-Paganism religions are twisted by pop culture misrepresentations of witches and witchcraft.  She even got into an argument at a book club she’s a member of when someone recommended they try the Harry Potter series. I’m concerned that this organization she’s involved in is having a detrimental effect on her, she used to be so open and outgoing and now she’s become all judgemental, dark and unrecognizable.  I don’t like to be a nosy friend but I’m really bothered by her behaviour and I don’t know wh—– SunnyVista

Woah, easy there Hufflepuff!  That question was getting a bit long and I was in danger of tuning out. Which is, by the way, exactly what you need to do in this case.  You shouldn’t be friends with this person.  The sort of person who would gather in circles with other strange women, reciting arcane words and looking for meaning, only to return home to their cats, crafts and soy milk…does this sound like a person you should associate with?  These people are weird, and bad news.  The less you have to do with someone that participates in book clubs, the better.

That will wrap it up for this time, folks.  Submit requests for advice to Oliver@Enthusiacs.com and please remember, spell-check is your friend.  For some of you, it appears to be a friend that lost touch, left town and didn’t forward their new contact details.